If your romantic connection with a female hidden narcissist or borderline has finished, you might be struggling in such a way you've never experienced prior to. You may feel even worse currently than you did when you remained in this poisonous partnership. In this video, I describe the stages you will likely undergo after a separation with someone with NPD or without treatment BPD.
If this video clip resonates with you, please like, share, and subscribe so that others might discover assistance in it also! I would so considerably appreciate it.
It's my intent that everyone that views accesses least one crucial take-away.
The criteria for BPD according to the DSM include a minimum of 5 of the adhering to 9 criteria: 1. frantic initiatives to avoid desertion or being rejected, 2. unpredictable interpersonal partnerships; 3. identification disruption; 4. impulsivity; 5. self-destructive or self-harming practices,; 6. emotional dysregulation; 7. persistent sensations of vacuum; 8. intense anger/difficulty managing temper,; and paranoia or dissociation.
If you have dreams concerning damaging on your own or have other self-destructive ideas, get assist right away by taking among these activities:.
Call 911 or your regional emergency situation number instantly.
Call a self-destruction hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Avoidance Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566.
Call your psychological health and wellness company, physician or various other healthcare service provider.
Reach out to a liked one, relied on good friend.
Concerning Me.
Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a specialist, life instructor, and author of 9 self-healing overviews. I have more than twenty years of experience in therapeutic, instructional, and leadership duties. For more details, go to: www.liseleblanc.ca.
#narcissist #NPD, #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder, #covertnarcissism, #femalenarcissist.
I’m impressed to finally see a youtube therapist able to argue against her own interests for the sake of the person needing help! To tell your viewers that there’s a point at which you need to stop watching videos like this, rather than to champion the success of your own channel. You get my bonuspoints today! Well done!
This all happened to me exactly like a playbook. Three years out working on my healing. It’s been the hardest period of my life by far. It’s forced a lot of my childhood trauma into the light as well. Getting stronger by facing deep pain. Grateful for videos like this to put it all in perspective.
My thoughts exactly. I’ve been researching for a year now. Consistently. Finally I have the answer. Stop Researching!
I had to stop for a while because it was overwhelming thinking about so much negativity and uncovering more and more junk. When I came back I needed to be more judicious and consume smaller doses that were manageable.
Amen. Me too.
EXACTLY my thoughts! From now on I will STOP reserching. THANKYOU Lisa!❤️
I disagree. Without reading extensively about this disorder for the last year I would still be stuck in multiple toxic relationships…
@Douglas Frederick I don’t think the idea is to do no research. But there’s got to be a moment when you have enough and can return to living your life.
The absolute best revenge is to NOT EVEN SEEK IT OUT…
The best exit map
– Excuse yourself politely,
-leave with dignity and class, peaceful
– embrace the hurt,
-find a place to cry and greive in private,
– GRIEVE for however long you need, let it out and leave it there. Lick your wounds, heal . Don’t let your wounds bleed on those who didn’t cut you…got it!?
-recalibrate your focus and purpose -and go full speed ahead without her… onward and upward
Thanks for sharing….same here. Counseling opened my eyes to not only the abuse from my ex girlfriend but from my own family…needless to say, I’m alone now , starting from scratch, or at least trying to.
Narcissism ABOUNDS… in a world of perpetual , self sustained hurt.
Best of luck to you buddy, you’re not alone. You will make it, take care.
Same re getting counseling and unearthing a whole bunch more. Seems like a whole process of patching up wounds and immaturities that lead to being susceptible to narcissists. Nice knowing I’m not alone.
100%. I had to take a real hard look at myself and get to the bottom of why I allowed this to happen. It sucked, but I’ll be damned if that dumpster fire didn’t make me a stronger person.
Well put
It has nothing to do with u
Wow…Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely.
Loving advice. I felt it.
“Don’t let your wounds bleed on those who didn’t cut you…got it!?” That’s maybe the most important point. In processing (or not properly processing of) the hurt others who are close to heart can be hurt, and knowing that others were hurt by yourself is an even worse feeling than the actual hurt that happened to you that you try to overcome
I feel… a relief, comfort and a sorrow at the same time knowing that there are guys out there that know EXACTLY how I feel and what I’ve been going through. I literally don’t have to explain or go into detail because yall seriously already know and understand.
The research phase was important to me. It lasted for about 4 years, but I learned that the ex was a narcissist, right out of the mold. It helped to learn that she is that way because of self-loathing, and that she will never, ever change. I’m several years beyond the nightmare now, and much happier, able to enjoy peacefulness and goodness in things once again. This video validates that I wasn’t the only one who has gone through the living hell of a female narcissist. Thanks, Lise!
I hear ya. I’m reading through every comment here and was about to post something similar to you. I feel like the empathy I have for everyone commenting here, knowing to some degree the awful things they have endured, helps me to have a little more empathy for myself.
Every feeling all at once
I left my narcissist ex after she was physically abusive with me. Never considered going back to that insanity. And my children payed the price. People generally can’t comprhend how horrible this is
This video is an absolute must for anyone who wants to recover from a covert narcissist. You really nailed it on the head, Lise when you talk about the research phase of recovery. I have volumes of notes and listened to hundreds of videos when I was in this stage of recovery. It is a trap, that you put yourself in. Happily I have long moved on and not falling back into any rabbit holes.
I am not sure if you mentioned this or not but female narcissists like the one I was entangled with appear as really nice to everyone one else in the outside world including some of our mutual friends. They just can’t believe what I know only too well behind closed doors. In public they are great actors, but if you are involved with one, you know this snake has two heads!
Once again Lise, thanks for a incisive video on the mind of a covert narcissist
I recovered just fine from being married to a covert narcissist just fine. I never fully fell into her trap except she had me believing I had an anger problem and I was the reason for her anxiety from past trauma. I was stuck in that trying to prove I was worthy to a point. When she tried gas lighting, I realized 100 percent she had a personality disorder. When she realized she had zero power over me having that knowledge she divorced me. I decided to better myself, and later I dated for a while and found someone that doesn’t have mental issues, and got remarried. My life is awesome and my wife is my best friend. She hasn’t changed at all since we got married unlike how my first did off the rip. I encouraged my wife to push herself at her job and she just promoted to a vice president for a major multinational bank. My ex is now engaged and going through the same cycle that she did with me. We get along well enough to co-parent quite well but I don’t talk anything with her except for the kids. I just look at it like she didn’t hurt me or ruin my life despite her best efforts, she strengthened me. Without my ex, I wouldn’t have had the drive to kill it.
This was extremely helpful as I had not realized there was a natural sequence to what I was experiencing. As a man I didn’t feel I was entitled to have such emotion. You described what I endured almost to a tee and now I don’t feel so bad! I made a choice to become better rather than bitter by acknowledging what happened and trying to extract the life lessons that came with the experience. Today I’m in a better place and learning to trust again. Thank you for your kindness.
That discard phase truly is brutal. Many of us that are empaths can’t ever imagine treating an intimate partner in this fashion. It’s beyond soul crushing.
Anybody who reads this I want to tell you something as a piece of advice. Do not ever look foreclosure, don’t look for it from a NPD, don’t look for it from a BPD, don’t look for it through a normal woman who is wrapped up in her own sophistry. Seeking closure is nothing more than pain shopping! You’re never going to get an answer out of them, at least one that makes sense. Just take what you have learned, take your life back into your own hands, and move on.
This all sounds very much like my experience. But after going no contact with my ex for 12 years, I still get intense flashbacks and ruminations like it was last week.
Just happened to me after 9 years. And yeah it was absolutely devastating. Left me with the kid and did it like it was nothing. She did it from rehab and hasn’t even cared about our child being sick, nothing. Just took my heart like it was a rock you’d kick across the street.
Yeah its much harder when a child/children are involved and they love that person :
@Horizon it hurts like hell but try to remember you’re the one who must move on. You got that little one depending on you also. You can do it.
Bro this hits me hard because I’ve just been dropped for being overbearing because I found out she was flirting with her ex not once not twice but 3 times and then it was my fault for feeling hurt and upset.
I’m in the research phase. 😂 honestly it’s been very healing. It’s very comforting for me to understand how and why. Once I hear the truth it’s like everything just starts clicking into place.
The research phase is important but if you’re still researching in 6 months, it might be the new addiction (a way to stay connected to the narcissist)
@Lise Leblanc thank you
1. 1:39 – Disbelief
2. 3:42 – Replay
3. 5:18 – Self-doubt
4. 6:45 – Anger & blame
5. 8:14 – Research
6. 10:48 – Acceptance
7. 12:47 – Healing
This part doesn’t get talked about enough in the world. Every thumbs-up on this comment represents those that go through it and getting stuck on how hard it is to go through and feel how hard it is to even start talking about it, especially as a guy
Yep I have a 7 and 8 year old with mine. It has been hell for years now. The way she speaks to the kids at times and neglects them emotionally. It’s a horrible thing to experience z
As a person whose lived through all of these stages I can say, after the research phase I was able to lift the mask, tear down my exes walls, see through her sweet moments and her beautiful innocent looking face and what I saw was a very broken, very ugly being, so much so I got scared, but helped me realise that I cant do nothing for her but to feel pity, stay strong, trust in time, it will heal you, thanks Lise I wish I had come across such content at the time
@h
This is because you’re undoubtedly suffering from C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), much like soldiers returning from combat situations. I’m a female that suffered a discard from a Covert Narcissist and my C-PTSD is what’s labeled “non combat related” & instead labeled as “Abuse Related C-PTSD). It has been years now since going no contact but I’m still seeking answers and therapy with a licensed therapist who specializes in, most importantly, Trauma therapy and as, just as imperative, she specializes in Grief & Abandonment Issues bc we’ve come to realize that my “Attachment Styles” was formed when my Dad was incarcerated at age 10 & even more-so, when I lost my Mom to Cancer at age 20. I’m now 44 yrs old and I’m STILL not over these issues which have undeniably shaped my intimate & long-term personal relationships for over 3 decades. Please!! Give therapy a shot. Go in with no real forethought, but hope that a licensed mental health professional (as well as group therapy with others, just like yourself), CAN only help. It may take you a consultation or a few sessions for you to find the right “for” therapist-wise but it’s SOOOO worth it. Also, give yourself ample time before you even consider seeking a dating relationship again bc oftentimes (as is MY case), we tend to have a “type” & unfortunately, Narcissists are very adept at “Love Bombing”, which is exactly how Narcissistic people “find” us (which, in all honesty, Narcs HUNT us caring, unassuming Victims).
If you’ve read this far, thank you and from one Narcissist Survivor to others….you CAN headland go on to find REAL true love that doesn’t involve pain. Much luck to you. Hang in there, it WILL get better
Thank you for this list Heidi. 👍🍀🌼💜🎈 we know enough about them by now. Its just a big help and a good reminder. So thank you and a hug from Karin. kind regards from Holland
Love it! And so true!
Going through this now. Was with my ex for 5 years and have one child with her. Found out she’s a covert narcissist. Is BPD. Has severe daddy issues, and has unresolved childhood traumas.. in dating her never knew any of this, she was soo sweet. Bubbly and happy all the time. It wasn’t until a year in of us being together did she slowly start showing me all of this. At the time didn’t know any of these things , but def knew I had fucked up. And she was preggo at the time. Was a nightmare. I really stayed for my child but couldn’t any longer. Like you though, I didn’t fall for any of her foolery, but towards the end she did break me and I was gone. Walking on eggshells , anxious whenever my phone would go off. I still do from time to time. But just talk to her about my child and that’s it. She tries tobe friendly with me. But I’m extremely cordial.
Facts
I hear all y’all as well, I know what you’re saying.. but, like I told her. I don’t wish this bs on ANYONE!!
You are correct, it is pain shopping. The closest they can ever give you to closure is to make a justification that will ultimately be very hurtful and dehumanizing to you.
Just came across this video and cannot thank you enough Lise for breaking down all the emotions and steps that I have been going through over the last five years. I feel such a sense of validation. And yes, there are plenty of female narcissists out there. Rest assured guys, it just takes time but you’ll get there. I’m stronger now, much stronger. Hang in there and thank you.
I was in a relationship with an ex whom fit all the textbook BPD symptoms, could have also had ASPD. I had no idea what was going on in the relationship, I was always so confused and emotionally hurt. It was such a draining relationship that I completely stopped dating for the last 4 years. I feel absolutely amazing now, I went to therapy for a few years not only for the relationship itself, but I also found that I didn’t realize that there were some deep subconscious things that I needed to work on. Fast forward to today and I lost a significant amount of weight, I went back to school and I just currently started dating this woman and it’s been all going so well. I am very happy right now and I am extremely proud of what I have accomplished for myself. People have absolutely no idea how much I’ve grown in so many ways. You CAN break a Narc bond, you CAN change your life for the better, take the necessary time to focus on working on the inner wounds and make the right strides in your life. Best of luck to everyone!
Thanks.
It is incredible how universal and consistent these patterns are. But yes, we just need to LEARN and move on. The priority is NOT letting them distort our views about people. NOT ALL PEOPLE are like that, so let’s not close our hearts. Let’s heal and overcome! We can do it!
Been shopping quite a bit, like a fool… Took quite a bit of pain to understand already and clear the fog in front of my eyes, to see her for what she is.
Same here after 5 yrs cutting ties. At times it feels like no time has passed at all, at other times it feels like the blurry memory of a half-forgotten nightmare.
Two months in and I’ve already walked away after paying close attention to how she was treating me it was an obvious conclusion she’s a narcassist.
Zero empathy, wants me to always chase her, extremely manipulative. Dismissive of my feelings completely and very critical of the smallest things.
I’m 40 and it’s my first time ever being treated like this by a partner before. Saddest part is I initially thought she was everything I’ve always wanted in my life 😢
I’m blown away. All the boxes check.. And I’m in the research phase. After the 10 tactics of covert narcissistic video, I was getting kind of obcessed.
This is a great follow up!
Thank you for this.
Yes perfectly described. Took me ages to break away and when I did I knew that all she had to do was turn up and I’d be screwed. Now that I’m well and truly away I can see just how utterly evil she was.
Yup as the old saying goes “stop going to the butcher’s for bread”
@xADK46erx Kudos to you!!! 3 months after I walked away, I had a date over for dinner. The crazy ex came pounding on my door, screaming that I was a liar and a cheater and demanding to know who I had inside! It freaked my date out and she left… 3 days later the ex came by and apologized saying that she was “hurt” and asking if she could take me out to dinner to make up for it!
Yeah, she was pathetic, but by then I had setup camera’s and caught the whole performance, which I then used to explain everything to my date. Lucky for me, my date could pick up on the kind of woman she was much faster than I did!! Women KNOW women better than guys do!
Still, I wasn’t as prepared as I should have been, so don’t make the same mistake I did… Peace, Brothers!
My experience too; crazy making. I have so many shared friends and acquaintances who see only her charm act. Many she is actively turning against me and I don’t know how to react. If I say anything it only makes me look more bitter and obsessed and makes me feel like I’m playing the victim. I finally found the strength and wisdom to leave but that only infuriated her more and led her to work behind my back to sabotage my friendships and standing in the community. Urgh! Thankfully some people give me the benefit of the doubt but I still feel like there’s no one who I can talk to or who can understand about what actually happened.
Wow we have the same life
@johnthompson5497 Remember the only way to get even is by being even more successful versions of ourselves without being bad people. Move on, be happy, make money, and find love. My wife is a vp at citi bank and we are making 300k a year together. My ex and her new guy aren’t even making 60k. I win.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Omg i’m so happy I read this. I appreciate your honesty on how long it took you. I thought my month and a half was too long because my friends felt so bad at the beginning and didn’t think i was going to get out of it for a long time because i couldn’t understand what on earth happened in this whole relationship. I have clarity thanks to you all out there. I have hope that there are others out there, not like her but more like me. It’s hard being an empath in a world where other people drain energy. That when they’re draining….they’re almost fatal to your senses, chakra, your aura. Thank you.
I’m on stage 6… This was the worst experience of my life. I pray for everyone one of you who is going through this.
Bro I know this sounds fucked up but honestly it makes me feel a bit better knowing they are just gonna suffer repeating the cycle cuz that’s their karma…I know we shouldn’t feel that way but after everything I think it’s only natural…either way bro I give you props for stepping up your life after that disaster keep it up 💯💯💯
You just described April 2023 – August 2023. I had already suspected it wasn’t me because she accused me of being a narcissist and I started reading books and said wait a minute. Then I came across your 10 stages of discard video and my jaw dropped. Everything clicked. Thank you for doing this. Blessings!
@SAMCRO21 that’s the one thing that makes it somewhat easy to see that they moved onto someone else lol. That person is simply going to go through the same fuckery and get abused.
@gentianxhahysa3459 Even after the mask slipped towards the end, I somehow convinced myself that it was somehow my fault, and craved for the illusion to be real.
An illusion so perfectly crafted; in part by myself that, I couldn’t even imagine wanting to be without her or be with anyone else.
Idealising her again, despite having peaked behind the mask to see just how cruel she was.
Even speaking to her months later, I was baffled at how uncaring and was and seemed like a different person to the one I’d fallen for.
It shouldn’t have been baffling. The person I’d fallen for was an illusion.
Man that’s exactly the timeline I lived too … if you need to talk. I know I do. Best regards
Amen to that. 14 years. In a state of confusion with someone who just would not answer a question? A simple question? What did you do with 3 months of rent money? 14 years later I still don’t know. How stupid is that?
Same exact dates and experience!
So spot on. I’m in the “research” phase. A little over a month. I was actually so surprised. Thank you so much.
It’s demon seeded and it’s a Spiritual battle. i too have seen that hideous pathetic and heartless thing that lives to destroy within them. There’s a certain smirk at my pain she does that somehow really pulls the mask all the way down like a Woman flashing You lifting her bra. i actually stood and looked at that smirk feeling pity for her as she raised and pointed a 9mm in my direction over me picking up her gram of weed and going outside to wait on her to come and smoke with me because i sensed she was going to hold out on me after i generously shared with her. Of course i let her know i was just going outside to wait on her. She comes to the door and raised the pistol over that little bit of petty control. Unfair control. i stood and felt sorry for her.
@pons day one on NPD for me. A lot is clicking right now after 3-4 months in step 1-2-3-4.